trying to wake up...
...and I'm not sure this will improve my mood, given the subject matter; but if it doesn't, at the very least, it should tell me what to ask the therapist about next.
Why the mood? Well, for once, there's an actual explanation: I dreamed I was living in a NY high-rise and suddenly we were strafed with nuclear warheads. Then I dreamed I met a cool guy with totally wild hair, fell in love with him, and then the fucker left me. Then I woke up to find that my screensaver never kicked in [not that that'll damage the screen, it's just one of the thousand tiny ways that Windows sucks] and checked my e-mail to find a message [as yet unread, until I finish my coffee] from somebody I did not want to talk to because my first impression of them gave me the creeps.
So for better or for worse, here we go.
Saturday 8.
1. are you currently in love?
No. I have a crush or two going, but no actual love, and that's how it should be. If I do fall in love with any of these people, I'm so hosed, because they're all married.
2. do you have a "one that got away?" tell us about him/her. if not, describe your last awesome partner.
I sort of have one that got away, in the sense that there were a couple that I scared off or rashly broke up with, that would've made good friends.
3. recently, a florida couple got stranded on their first date (read about it here). although it's not terribly romantic, it's sweet that they've decided that even after being stranded for 6 hours they're willing to go on a second date! what's your favourite romantic story? (this can be a movie, book, poem, story of long-lost love from a friend or relative, etc.) tell us about it.
One of the few romantic stories that doesn't make me want to grab a barf bucket is the one about my parents, who dated in high school, broke up, married other people, and finally got back together for good.
4. what's the hardest thing you've had to deal with in a relationship?
Usually the breakup.
5. when it comes to lovers, are you the 'jealous type'?
I used to be. I'm sure I still am, although hopefully not to the degree that I was as an insecure, emotionally unstable 20-year-old.
6. do you believe in 'love at first sight,' or do you think it's a chemical/biological lustful response?
I think it's more like a crush at first sight, unless you're so goddamn psychic that you can divine a person's personality by looking at them once. I really don't want to talk to anybody for whom love doesn't hinge in some way upon personality.
7. do you believe that a person has a 'one true love,' the person that he/she was destined to be with forever?
Absolutely not. I think that as people live, die and are reincarnated, they meet a lot of people with whom they develop spiritual kinships, and they may meet one or more of those people again in a subsequent life. Or they may go a whole life without bumping into one, which is what I seem to be doing [and what I've been told numerous times, through divination, would happen, which is one reason I don't bother getting into romantic relationships anymore].
8. love gone wrong - what's the worst romantic 'horror story' you've ever heard, maybe from your friends or family, or something that's happened to you?
Well, let's see, would you like the story of my brother's ex-wife, who abused their kids, cheated on him with teenage boys, ruined him financially, and won't leave their family alone? Or how about my dad's previous marriage to a woman who beat him. Or maybe my mom's previous marriage to a guy who terrorized her for nine years because she was trying to be a good little Catholic and stay with her husband; until finally she escaped, upon which he broke through two locked doors and tried to strangle her. Then there's my friend E, who moved to Washington with a guy I thought was the bee's knees, until it turned out he was an abuser. Oh yeah, then there's my half-sister, who met a wonderful man online and had a lovely whirlwind relationship with him culminating in marriage...until he started beating the shit out of her. Then there's my other friend B, who dropped entirely off the face of the earth [to the point that I worried she might be dead] during a relationship with a thoroughly scary and controlling person who eventually came after her with a gun. And don't even get me started on my own experiences with stalkers, sexual assault, and mentally ill boyfriends--although I can take some consolation in the fact that none of those resulted in my being physically beaten.
Remind me, now, why I don't date again?
Not to shove all the horrors of my life in everybody's face or anything, but I think I have a pretty compelling argument there. No thanks, man. I may be a shriveled-up old maid, but I'm a BREATHING shriveled-up old maid.
And for those who say, "But not all relationships are like that! There are good people out there, you just have to find them!" I have an exercise for you. Buy a bushel of apples, some of which have worms, and some of which don't. Keep eating until you find one without worms or until you throw up, whichever comes first. If that doesn't get the point across, I really can't help you.
I need more coffee.
...
Okay, back.
***
Saturday 6.
1. How many different time zones have you lived in? Which one would you most like to live in?
Two. I don't have any time zone preference, really, as long as it has at least 24 hours per day.
2. What is the current setting of your home's thermostat? Do you adjust it up or down based on the time of day, or leave it at one setting at all times?
I don't use the thermostat in the summer because I don't have central air. I currently have it turned all the way off so the heat doesn't kick in at the same time as the air.
3. Go to your bedroom closet (or the closet in which you keep the majority of your clothes. Take a quick glance: what color do you see the most of? Is this color your favorite color? If not, why do you have more of it than your favorite color?
Black, with green coming a close second. I don't have a favourite colour.
4. Take the quiz: What kind of house are you?
It says "Single Family with Yard. All that's missing is 2.5 kids and a dog. You're happy and normal. Good for you!" Um. What? I sure spend a lot of time in the therapist's office for somebody who's "happy and normal." [She works for the county and is salaried, so I doubt she'd keep asking me to come back if I didn't need to.] And although I think children and dogs are sort of cute--when they're being quiet, anyway--I wouldn't go so far as to say that a lack of them equates to them being "missing" from my life. They can come over, I can give them treats, and then they can go home. Or, even better, I can go to THEIR house and pass out treats, and then I don't have to clean the carpets or replace broken valuables.
I think it's funny that out of all these quizzes, there've only been one or two whose answer described me with any accuracy whatsoever. If these people had written the ASVAB, I'd probably be working in marketing right now. [I'd probably also be making four times my current salary, so maybe I shouldn't laugh so hard.]
5. Imagine your dream house: how many stories would your ultimate home have?
Probably two or three, unless it had an elevator. Then a castle would be nice.
6. Ripped from the Headlines: An underage teenager decides he does not want to undergo a particularly rough regimen of chemotherapy to treat his cancer. With his parents' blessing, he decides to pursue an alternate treatment to be supervised by a clinic that is outside of the country. Should a court intervene and force the teen to undergo the "traditional" treatment? How much does the prognosis for successful treatment with the chemotherapy affect your judgment?
Under the current laws as I understand them, yes, the court has a duty to intervene. Does that mean the current laws are right? That's an entirely different matter. Also, is the person in question a "teenager" in the sense of being 13 or of being 17? The chemo prognosis means little to me, frankly [see below], but the person's age does. If he's close to the age of majority, I think they should leave him alone. If he's 13 or 14, I'd be less comfortable with him making his own decision. Since his parents agree with his decision, I'd be very uncomfortable with the court forcing him to undergo chemo. Of course, he could get the chemo, survive, and look back 20 years later and go, "Man, I'm glad they made me do that." Or he could get the chemo and die anyway, in which case they've just crapped all over the kid's dignity and his parents' rights to raise him as they see fit, all for nothing.
Would I like to see him get chemo, purely in terms of the survival rate? Yeah, but it's not my life. The question is to what extent his life is his own, his parents', or the parens patrie responsibility of the court.
***
Sunday 7.
Name seven cities you'd like to live in that you have not already lived in before.
Okay.
~Palm, Pennsylvania
~Celestine, Indiana
~Kongsvinger, Norway
~Norberg, Sweden
~Elgin, Scotland
~Verdun, France
~Gründau, Germany
Why did I pick these? First of all, they're all small and they're all within decent driving distance of large cities. In some of these countries, I wouldn't even have to drive; European countries generally have a public transportation system that should make the U.S. deeply ashamed of itself. Not that I like public transportation, but if I needed something that I could only get in the big city, or if I had to see a specialist, I could get on a train and go there. Here, if I want to see a doctor in Minneapolis or go to Magus Books or something, I have to get in my car and try to navigate a labyrinth of suburbs, poorly marked freeway exits, and road construction--all without collision insurance, which I can't afford. Not only that, all these places have medium-sized cities nearby, so if I didn't want to choose between driving in a giant city and going on public transportation, I could still go someplace that had most or all of what I wanted.
I picked Palm because it's in a beautiful area and close to some of the places I've lived before. I picked Celestine because most of the people I care about live in Minnesota, Pennsylvania, New York, or Tennessee, and Celestine is about a day's drive from all of them--or a short drive to Louisville and a short train or plane ride from all of them. As for the places in Europe, I know I swore on a stack I'd never go to Europe; but when you come down to it, a small town is a small town. It can't be that much more crowded in a small town there than in a small town here. Also, public bathrooms in Europe are a lot more private than the ones here [which shocked me; I thought it was the other way round], so travelling and shopping would be much more comfortable. The only problem is, I'd have to learn the language first, which would take a couple years.
So there.
So now, after 2 1/2 hours of this, I'm finally awake. Time to go do dishes! Wheeee!
sbt/sbc
Why the mood? Well, for once, there's an actual explanation: I dreamed I was living in a NY high-rise and suddenly we were strafed with nuclear warheads. Then I dreamed I met a cool guy with totally wild hair, fell in love with him, and then the fucker left me. Then I woke up to find that my screensaver never kicked in [not that that'll damage the screen, it's just one of the thousand tiny ways that Windows sucks] and checked my e-mail to find a message [as yet unread, until I finish my coffee] from somebody I did not want to talk to because my first impression of them gave me the creeps.
So for better or for worse, here we go.
Saturday 8.
1. are you currently in love?
No. I have a crush or two going, but no actual love, and that's how it should be. If I do fall in love with any of these people, I'm so hosed, because they're all married.
2. do you have a "one that got away?" tell us about him/her. if not, describe your last awesome partner.
I sort of have one that got away, in the sense that there were a couple that I scared off or rashly broke up with, that would've made good friends.
3. recently, a florida couple got stranded on their first date (read about it here). although it's not terribly romantic, it's sweet that they've decided that even after being stranded for 6 hours they're willing to go on a second date! what's your favourite romantic story? (this can be a movie, book, poem, story of long-lost love from a friend or relative, etc.) tell us about it.
One of the few romantic stories that doesn't make me want to grab a barf bucket is the one about my parents, who dated in high school, broke up, married other people, and finally got back together for good.
4. what's the hardest thing you've had to deal with in a relationship?
Usually the breakup.
5. when it comes to lovers, are you the 'jealous type'?
I used to be. I'm sure I still am, although hopefully not to the degree that I was as an insecure, emotionally unstable 20-year-old.
6. do you believe in 'love at first sight,' or do you think it's a chemical/biological lustful response?
I think it's more like a crush at first sight, unless you're so goddamn psychic that you can divine a person's personality by looking at them once. I really don't want to talk to anybody for whom love doesn't hinge in some way upon personality.
7. do you believe that a person has a 'one true love,' the person that he/she was destined to be with forever?
Absolutely not. I think that as people live, die and are reincarnated, they meet a lot of people with whom they develop spiritual kinships, and they may meet one or more of those people again in a subsequent life. Or they may go a whole life without bumping into one, which is what I seem to be doing [and what I've been told numerous times, through divination, would happen, which is one reason I don't bother getting into romantic relationships anymore].
8. love gone wrong - what's the worst romantic 'horror story' you've ever heard, maybe from your friends or family, or something that's happened to you?
Well, let's see, would you like the story of my brother's ex-wife, who abused their kids, cheated on him with teenage boys, ruined him financially, and won't leave their family alone? Or how about my dad's previous marriage to a woman who beat him. Or maybe my mom's previous marriage to a guy who terrorized her for nine years because she was trying to be a good little Catholic and stay with her husband; until finally she escaped, upon which he broke through two locked doors and tried to strangle her. Then there's my friend E, who moved to Washington with a guy I thought was the bee's knees, until it turned out he was an abuser. Oh yeah, then there's my half-sister, who met a wonderful man online and had a lovely whirlwind relationship with him culminating in marriage...until he started beating the shit out of her. Then there's my other friend B, who dropped entirely off the face of the earth [to the point that I worried she might be dead] during a relationship with a thoroughly scary and controlling person who eventually came after her with a gun. And don't even get me started on my own experiences with stalkers, sexual assault, and mentally ill boyfriends--although I can take some consolation in the fact that none of those resulted in my being physically beaten.
Remind me, now, why I don't date again?
Not to shove all the horrors of my life in everybody's face or anything, but I think I have a pretty compelling argument there. No thanks, man. I may be a shriveled-up old maid, but I'm a BREATHING shriveled-up old maid.
And for those who say, "But not all relationships are like that! There are good people out there, you just have to find them!" I have an exercise for you. Buy a bushel of apples, some of which have worms, and some of which don't. Keep eating until you find one without worms or until you throw up, whichever comes first. If that doesn't get the point across, I really can't help you.
I need more coffee.
...
Okay, back.
***
Saturday 6.
1. How many different time zones have you lived in? Which one would you most like to live in?
Two. I don't have any time zone preference, really, as long as it has at least 24 hours per day.
2. What is the current setting of your home's thermostat? Do you adjust it up or down based on the time of day, or leave it at one setting at all times?
I don't use the thermostat in the summer because I don't have central air. I currently have it turned all the way off so the heat doesn't kick in at the same time as the air.
3. Go to your bedroom closet (or the closet in which you keep the majority of your clothes. Take a quick glance: what color do you see the most of? Is this color your favorite color? If not, why do you have more of it than your favorite color?
Black, with green coming a close second. I don't have a favourite colour.
4. Take the quiz: What kind of house are you?
It says "Single Family with Yard. All that's missing is 2.5 kids and a dog. You're happy and normal. Good for you!" Um. What? I sure spend a lot of time in the therapist's office for somebody who's "happy and normal." [She works for the county and is salaried, so I doubt she'd keep asking me to come back if I didn't need to.] And although I think children and dogs are sort of cute--when they're being quiet, anyway--I wouldn't go so far as to say that a lack of them equates to them being "missing" from my life. They can come over, I can give them treats, and then they can go home. Or, even better, I can go to THEIR house and pass out treats, and then I don't have to clean the carpets or replace broken valuables.
I think it's funny that out of all these quizzes, there've only been one or two whose answer described me with any accuracy whatsoever. If these people had written the ASVAB, I'd probably be working in marketing right now. [I'd probably also be making four times my current salary, so maybe I shouldn't laugh so hard.]
5. Imagine your dream house: how many stories would your ultimate home have?
Probably two or three, unless it had an elevator. Then a castle would be nice.
6. Ripped from the Headlines: An underage teenager decides he does not want to undergo a particularly rough regimen of chemotherapy to treat his cancer. With his parents' blessing, he decides to pursue an alternate treatment to be supervised by a clinic that is outside of the country. Should a court intervene and force the teen to undergo the "traditional" treatment? How much does the prognosis for successful treatment with the chemotherapy affect your judgment?
Under the current laws as I understand them, yes, the court has a duty to intervene. Does that mean the current laws are right? That's an entirely different matter. Also, is the person in question a "teenager" in the sense of being 13 or of being 17? The chemo prognosis means little to me, frankly [see below], but the person's age does. If he's close to the age of majority, I think they should leave him alone. If he's 13 or 14, I'd be less comfortable with him making his own decision. Since his parents agree with his decision, I'd be very uncomfortable with the court forcing him to undergo chemo. Of course, he could get the chemo, survive, and look back 20 years later and go, "Man, I'm glad they made me do that." Or he could get the chemo and die anyway, in which case they've just crapped all over the kid's dignity and his parents' rights to raise him as they see fit, all for nothing.
Would I like to see him get chemo, purely in terms of the survival rate? Yeah, but it's not my life. The question is to what extent his life is his own, his parents', or the parens patrie responsibility of the court.
***
Sunday 7.
Name seven cities you'd like to live in that you have not already lived in before.
Okay.
~Palm, Pennsylvania
~Celestine, Indiana
~Kongsvinger, Norway
~Norberg, Sweden
~Elgin, Scotland
~Verdun, France
~Gründau, Germany
Why did I pick these? First of all, they're all small and they're all within decent driving distance of large cities. In some of these countries, I wouldn't even have to drive; European countries generally have a public transportation system that should make the U.S. deeply ashamed of itself. Not that I like public transportation, but if I needed something that I could only get in the big city, or if I had to see a specialist, I could get on a train and go there. Here, if I want to see a doctor in Minneapolis or go to Magus Books or something, I have to get in my car and try to navigate a labyrinth of suburbs, poorly marked freeway exits, and road construction--all without collision insurance, which I can't afford. Not only that, all these places have medium-sized cities nearby, so if I didn't want to choose between driving in a giant city and going on public transportation, I could still go someplace that had most or all of what I wanted.
I picked Palm because it's in a beautiful area and close to some of the places I've lived before. I picked Celestine because most of the people I care about live in Minnesota, Pennsylvania, New York, or Tennessee, and Celestine is about a day's drive from all of them--or a short drive to Louisville and a short train or plane ride from all of them. As for the places in Europe, I know I swore on a stack I'd never go to Europe; but when you come down to it, a small town is a small town. It can't be that much more crowded in a small town there than in a small town here. Also, public bathrooms in Europe are a lot more private than the ones here [which shocked me; I thought it was the other way round], so travelling and shopping would be much more comfortable. The only problem is, I'd have to learn the language first, which would take a couple years.
So there.
So now, after 2 1/2 hours of this, I'm finally awake. Time to go do dishes! Wheeee!
sbt/sbc
posted by Frida | 12:14 AM
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