New car, caviar, four-star daydream...
You guessed it; this week's Saturday 6 is about money.
And no, I'm not going to buy a football team.
1. How often do you clip coupons from the newspaper or mail inserts?
Never. The bastards never have coupons for anything I buy, except maybe Folgers, and I don't go through enough coffee to give a shit whether I got fifty cents off on it. I'd gladly pay fifty cents not to have to spend half an hour going through circulars and getting increasingly angry at all the manufacturers who make things I can't use, just for one lousy coupon.
2. You buy something that contains a mail-in rebate: how likely are you to take the time to fill out and mail the application (with appropriate receipts) to actually get the rebate mailed to you?
Depends how much the rebate is. If it's a dollar or less, I don't generally bother with it.
3. How many credit cards do you have right now that have a zero balance?
First I gotta remember how many credit cards I have. Let's see, I have...five? No, six. I think. And two have balances, so I have 4 [I think] with a zero balance.
4. Take the quiz: Are you good with money?
"You're about average with money, which means you probably don't have a lot of it.
Your instincts tell you to stay out of debt and spend wisely...
But you don't always listen to your instincts!
With a little more effort, you could have a nice little nest egg. You just have to control your spending."
Yeah, you're right, I should cut back on the luxuries, and I'd have...oh...another $15 a month? And by the time I'm 67, I'd have...let's see here...2% inflation...
About 3 months' salary. W00T!!
I suppose if I drank only water and coffee, stopped buying chocolate syrup and gagged down my milk plain, walked a half-mile down the highway to work every night, bought my clothes at the thrift shop, and made my own underwear from scratch using underwires, hooks and elastic stolen from old underwear, I could save $50 or $100 a month, which would amount to roughly a year's salary. So if I'm totally miserable for the next thirty-seven years, I can live for a year after retirement. I just have to time it so I die when I'm 68. And after three and a half [more] decades of total grinding poverty, I'd probably be ready.
Ooh, I have another idea. I could stop buying that expensive Lactaid milk and buy regular milk like everybody else. Hey, it's good enough for them, right? Then my volcanic diarrhea should be good enough for them too. And I could stop buying expensive healthy food and buy the cheap-ass MSG-injected preservative-laden processed food, which will fuck up my nervous system til I'm running screaming through the streets, and then they'll lock me up and I'll be set for life [as long as I don't mind meatloaf every Thursday].
Another idea: I could cancel the cable and save $50 a month. Oh, wait, I DON'T HAVE CABLE TO START WITH. Ditto for cell phone.
Or I could save $50 a month by cancelling my Internet access, which would leave me with no access to the outside world, thus turning me into a shriveled, bitter hermit and setting me up for an early demise.
Or, let's see, what other unnecessary expenses do I have? Oh, there's car insurance. I can drive without that as long as I don't get caught. And what do I need AAA for? It's not like we ever have bad road conditions in Minnesota. It's sunny and 70 all the time here. Oh yeah, and there's rent. Why rent a secure, dry, warm apartment for $600, when for half that price I could get a roach-infested, closet-sized shithole? [I jest. The closet-sized ones are at least $400.]
I've made my point. When you make $20K a year, there ain't a lot of fat left on the budget to trim off.
I suppose I could get a second job [or, rather, a third job, since I consider art my second job]. Eventually the stress would cause me to relapse and start self-harming again, but who cares when there's money to be made?
5. What is the most expensive thing you purchased in the last week?
A Sandman graphic novel from Amazon.
6. On a scale of one to ten, with ten meaning that it was something you needed badly and urgently, how much did you really need this particular item?
Oh, about a 2. I was going to get it eventually anyway, and I was ordering something for my niece and needed to bump it up over $25 for the free shipping. But it wasn't a life-and-death item.
Well, that's enough bitterness for one day.
same bitch time, same bitch channel...
And no, I'm not going to buy a football team.
1. How often do you clip coupons from the newspaper or mail inserts?
Never. The bastards never have coupons for anything I buy, except maybe Folgers, and I don't go through enough coffee to give a shit whether I got fifty cents off on it. I'd gladly pay fifty cents not to have to spend half an hour going through circulars and getting increasingly angry at all the manufacturers who make things I can't use, just for one lousy coupon.
2. You buy something that contains a mail-in rebate: how likely are you to take the time to fill out and mail the application (with appropriate receipts) to actually get the rebate mailed to you?
Depends how much the rebate is. If it's a dollar or less, I don't generally bother with it.
3. How many credit cards do you have right now that have a zero balance?
First I gotta remember how many credit cards I have. Let's see, I have...five? No, six. I think. And two have balances, so I have 4 [I think] with a zero balance.
4. Take the quiz: Are you good with money?
"You're about average with money, which means you probably don't have a lot of it.
Your instincts tell you to stay out of debt and spend wisely...
But you don't always listen to your instincts!
With a little more effort, you could have a nice little nest egg. You just have to control your spending."
Yeah, you're right, I should cut back on the luxuries, and I'd have...oh...another $15 a month? And by the time I'm 67, I'd have...let's see here...2% inflation...
About 3 months' salary. W00T!!
I suppose if I drank only water and coffee, stopped buying chocolate syrup and gagged down my milk plain, walked a half-mile down the highway to work every night, bought my clothes at the thrift shop, and made my own underwear from scratch using underwires, hooks and elastic stolen from old underwear, I could save $50 or $100 a month, which would amount to roughly a year's salary. So if I'm totally miserable for the next thirty-seven years, I can live for a year after retirement. I just have to time it so I die when I'm 68. And after three and a half [more] decades of total grinding poverty, I'd probably be ready.
Ooh, I have another idea. I could stop buying that expensive Lactaid milk and buy regular milk like everybody else. Hey, it's good enough for them, right? Then my volcanic diarrhea should be good enough for them too. And I could stop buying expensive healthy food and buy the cheap-ass MSG-injected preservative-laden processed food, which will fuck up my nervous system til I'm running screaming through the streets, and then they'll lock me up and I'll be set for life [as long as I don't mind meatloaf every Thursday].
Another idea: I could cancel the cable and save $50 a month. Oh, wait, I DON'T HAVE CABLE TO START WITH. Ditto for cell phone.
Or I could save $50 a month by cancelling my Internet access, which would leave me with no access to the outside world, thus turning me into a shriveled, bitter hermit and setting me up for an early demise.
Or, let's see, what other unnecessary expenses do I have? Oh, there's car insurance. I can drive without that as long as I don't get caught. And what do I need AAA for? It's not like we ever have bad road conditions in Minnesota. It's sunny and 70 all the time here. Oh yeah, and there's rent. Why rent a secure, dry, warm apartment for $600, when for half that price I could get a roach-infested, closet-sized shithole? [I jest. The closet-sized ones are at least $400.]
I've made my point. When you make $20K a year, there ain't a lot of fat left on the budget to trim off.
I suppose I could get a second job [or, rather, a third job, since I consider art my second job]. Eventually the stress would cause me to relapse and start self-harming again, but who cares when there's money to be made?
5. What is the most expensive thing you purchased in the last week?
A Sandman graphic novel from Amazon.
6. On a scale of one to ten, with ten meaning that it was something you needed badly and urgently, how much did you really need this particular item?
Oh, about a 2. I was going to get it eventually anyway, and I was ordering something for my niece and needed to bump it up over $25 for the free shipping. But it wasn't a life-and-death item.
Well, that's enough bitterness for one day.
same bitch time, same bitch channel...
posted by Frida | 12:01 AM
3 Comments:
I like your bitchy answers. LOL.
I'm nicer after my coffee, honest :D
Oh I'm just sitting here laughing my head off! And I'm nicer after my coffee too. My daughter bought me a cup that said "Attention morning people be perky at your own peril". I kinda like that! De;)
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