This Is Your Life, Judged By Restrictive Cultural Norms

Saturday 6.

1. Rating them on a scale of one to ten, which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the highest: mind, body or spirit?
I had to take the quiz before I figured out what this question was asking for. I thought it was asking me to rate them in terms of how important I thought they were. Apparently I'm supposed to rate them on whether they suck or not.

My mind gets a, I don't know, a 7 or an 8, given my grades, my IQ score [147 tyvm], the way they were always trying to shove me into gifted class, and the enormous difficulty I have in being charitable towards mentally slow people.

My body gets about a 3 because my system is over-sensitive. It functions, but it won't accept 2/3 of the food in the store without some fucked-up reaction. I also can't take most drugs because my body reacts so bad that the side effects are nearly always worse than the thing they were Rx'd for; so if I get seriously ill, I'm pretty much hosed. If I lived in a Native American tribe or something and they didn't have modern drugs or preservative-laden food, I'd probably rate it higher. Also, my fat would come in handy in the winter. :)

My spirit gets a 5. I still have a lot of closets to clean out and a lot of shit to shovel. For some reason I'm having a hard time picking up my witchcraft books and picking up on theory. It's not that I don't believe in it anymore--well, maybe I believe somewhat less--but that it's not as directly relevant to the work I'm doing. Or maybe it should be. I'll have to look into that.

2. Rating them on a scale of one to ten, which of the following aspects of your life would you think rates the lowest: friends/family, love or finance?
Finance. I WANT MONEY DAMMIT. I only make 20K a year, so I'll give that a 2.

Friends and family get a 6 because my family is there for me but doesn't fucking listen when I ask them to stop doing something. My friends are great, but most of them live in other parts of the country, so it's kinda hard to get together.

Love life is a 7 as long as I have fresh batteries [shut up, you asked]. It would be an 8 or a 9 except our society is filled with nosy psychos who aren't happy unless everybody has a hot dog in their bun at all times, and a lot of corporations have vested interests in ramping up people's not-getting-laid anxiety for reasons I've explained elsewhere. So other than the fact that I live in a "OMG UR NOT GETTIN LAID U L0Z0R" culture, I'm doing okay. :)

3. Considering all six categories, which do you think would rank closest to the middle, a "5"?
See 1 and 2. You already asked me to rank them.

4. Take the quiz: How does your life rate?

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.3
Mind:	6.4
Body:	6.6
Spirit:	5
Friends/Family:	3.2
Love:	2.9
Finance:	5.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

5. Of the first three questions, how many of your responses match the responses of the quiz?
The only one that matches is "Spirit." "Mind" comes sorta close. I suppose I should have counted chemical sensitivities as a serious illness.

6. Which of the test's responses do you disagree the most with and why?
Love life. This is so retarded. This is exactly what I'm talking about. "OMFG THERE IZNT A P3NUS IN UR VJAYJAY!!!!1!!!!11one U P00R THING U NEED A BF RIT NOW omgomgomg"

This shit needs to stop. It needs to stop right now, before we actually have mobs going round with torches, looking everybody's bed to make sure there are at least two people in each one. Folks, I know the advertising agencies are doing a very good job of making you feel inadequate for not being in lurve every single second of your life [and they're making a LOT of money off of you in the process]; but get a grip already. If you're gonna go to the trouble of writing a quiz judging people's love lives, at least take the time to put the emphasis on whether they're content with their marital status instead of just automatically ascribing emotional states to different statuses. I've known married people who would kill to be in my position.

I need coffee.

sbt/sbc

Ugh.

So Google bent me over, yanked my pants down, and switched me to "the new Blogger," which I'm guessing is just like regular Blogger only shittier, more intrusive, and closer to the oligarchical corporatocracy that Google and Ted Turner and Bill Gates [who collectively now own, I estimate, about 99.992% of everything] crave.

But at least I can still post, and it won't be nagging me anymore, whining and pleading to let it Googleize me. So it's like having a boyfriend, only cheaper and with less laundry to do.

Anyway, in an effort to feel less dirty somehow, here's the Saturday 8.


1. wine: which do you prefer ... reds or whites, or perhaps something different, like a dessert/ice wine?
The only wine I can drink that doesn't give me weird reactions is some homemade wine that somebody gave me. In any case, most wine tastes like somebody peed in grape juice. I'm sure nice wine doesn't taste like that, but I'm not gonna spend $2954743 on a bottle of wine when it's just gonna make me sicker than fuck anyway.

2. beer: as a guinness drinker, i prefer my beer to be in the "non-see thru" variety. The Husband prefers harp & bass. i'm convinced his co-workers would drink hamm's if it were served to them. what kind of beer, if any, do you prefer?
Every kind of beer I have ever drunk has tasted putrid. One of the all-time most difficult things for me to understand is how people can drink it.

3. spirits: are you a hard-liquor drinker? if so, what kind(s)? if not, why not?
No. Why? Because, as incredible as this may sound, I don't like feeling like my heart and lungs are trying to shut themselves down. I also don't like waking up the next day with uncomfortable internal swellings in the liver/gallbladder area.

"Well, you're drinking too much, then."

Really. A teaspoon is too much, in that case, because that's all it takes to make me hella sick as described above. How did that happen? Well, let's just put it this way: If you're taking Topamax, and you care even a tiny bit about ever, ever, ever wanting to drink alcohol again, stop taking it now. If you can't stop taking Topamax for some reason, clean out your liquor cabinet and give away all your booze, cos you're never gonna use the shit again.

Or you could do like I do, drink one tablespoon of all-natural homemade wine, and wake up with a furious hangover. [Yes, I had my liver tested. No, they didn't find anything wrong. I was given the choice of giving up alcohol or having exploratory surgery.] Yes, that is one tablespoon, as in 1/2 fl. oz.

And people have the balls to ask me why I don't take medication anymore.

4. my wine bar opens in a few weeks, and The Husband thinks i have too many people to invite to the grand opening. should i brown-nose and keep my bosses on the guest list, or should i forget them and just stick with my good friends (the bosses will probably overhear people talking about the opening, unofortch).
Do whatever you want. It's your wine bar.

5. when i drink a good red, i LOVE to have a rich, thick, heavy slab of parmesan to eat while enjoying my wine. when you drink alcohol (or in the past, if you are currently a non-drinker), what types of snacks or foods do you like to have while you drink ... and are their certain 'pairings' you prefer?
See 3.
6. are you going to watch the oscars this weekend? why or why not?
No. Because life is short, that's why not. I have important belly button lint to attend to.

7. i love celeb fashion, and love the snarky site "go fug yourself" even more. are you interested in any of the red carpet styles that happen at awards shows?
No.

8. so, the angels sang, the planets aligned, and my future second ex-husband is touring again with his old band, The Police. i was too young to see a Police concert but have seen every single one of Sting's concerts since he went solo. even if it involves resurrecting Jim Morrison or Bob Marley from the dead, which musical artist/group would you die to see live?
Nobody.

Somehow I don't feel any cleaner. Maybe I'll take another shower and wait for Google and whoever the hell makes Topamax [I don't even care enough to look it up] to call me up and threaten to sue over this post.

Maybe there's a support group or something I can join.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

What is the Saturday 6?

Saturday 6.

1. Take the quiz: What game show host are you?
It says I'm Bill Cullen, whoever the hell that is.

2. What game show do you think you would be best at playing?
I haven't seen a game show in such a long time, I really couldn't tell you.

3. What game show do you think you would be worst at playing?
See 2.

4. Have you ever applied or auditioned as a contestant for any game show? If so, which one?
No.

5. If you had to apply or audition for a game show, which one would you most likely choose?
If I HAD to? Like, people would die if I didn't? Any one that, if I got selected, I could say, "Y'know, thanks but no thanks."

6. If you found out you had to host a game show, which one would do you know well enough that you could actually host?
None of them.

Not the greatest answers, but it's the truth.

sbt/sbc

Be Mine <3

Sunday 7.

Come up with seven messages, naughty or nice (but not too naughty!), that you'd like to see printed on those heart-shaped Valentine's Day candies.
This is actually a concept that occurred to me several years ago, and I went so far as to use my CGI skills [decidedly unleet at the time] to do some graphics of them.



As you can see, there are far more than seven messages there.

Have a good week!

sbt/sbc

When the lights go down in the city...

Saturday 6.

1. A friend arrives from out of town and wants to go to dinner at a nice locally-owned restaurant: where would you take her?
To a different town. The only places here that serve dinner are the bars.

2. Your friend then says he wants to learn something about the history of your city: where would you take him first?
City hall, I guess. Also, how did my friend get a sex change between question 1 and question 2?

3. Does your current hometown have any specific kind of weather threats (i.e., tornado alley, etc.) or natural disaster threats (i.e., earthquake faults, volcanic activity) that concerns you?
It gets really, really cold in the winter.

4. Take the quiz: What city shares your personality?
It says I'm Killarney, Ireland.

5. Have you ever visited this city or lived there before?
Never heard of it before in my life.

6. Based on what you know about that city, either firsthand or from others, do you think it would be a good fit for you? Do you think it would be a better fit than the city in which you now live?
I know nothing about it. If it's bigger than 10K people, I'd probably hate it.

And that's that.

sbt/sbc

Better to be poor than be a fat man in the eye of a needle...

Saturday 8 weighs in.

1. are you over- or under-weight, or "just right"?
I'm an oinker. Ironically, though, a couple years ago I weighed about 10 lbs. less than I do now [210], and I felt like I was getting too thin and wasting away. My body seems pretty comfy where it is, though; if I reduce my daily calorie intake by even 300 or 400 calories, I end up getting sick all the time no matter how many vitamins I take or how much rest I get. I think that's my body's way of saying, "Stop starving me, bitch." So finally I said, "Okay, I get it, here's your extra couple hundred calories."

2. what do you consider a "healthy weight" for yourself?
Healthy in what way? I'd really like to know, especially since more research is showing that your diet and exercise habits have way more to do with your overall health than the number on the scale. Fat = unhealthy? I don't believe it anymore. Junk food diet and sedentary lifestyle = unhealthy. Also, that BMI bullshit doesn't take your frame into account. If I was 210 and looked like the Kool-Aid Man, I'd grudgingly accept the "obese" label. But I'm not. I'm 210 and look like I'm 170. I'm a 45-39-49, and while that's still a size 20, those are damn good proportions for that weight. [/shameless self-aggrandizement]

That being said, I'd like to lose some more weight for two reasons: a] the bigger your size, the smaller the selection of affordable, comfortable clothes*; and b] I really need to take the pressure off my knees, because I don't want to have knee surgery if I can avoid it. How much weight I would have to lose in order to forestall knee surgery, I don't know. I do know that every pound I've lost has made a small difference [and the few pounds I gained back have made a difference in the other direction].

3. in your past, have you struggled with weight issues?
o_O

Ya think?

Actually, I've looked back on my eating patterns, and the only time I seem to gain weight is when I eat more sugar. Eating an extra burger or pizza or putting extra butter on my popcorn doesn't seem to make a lot of difference. So it looks like Atkins was onto something. I think if I really make a commitment to keep the sugar intake down, I'll drop what I gained. Also, spring will be coming soon, and I'll be less housebound. Maybe I'll even go back to taking walks.

4. give us an example of a comfort food for you.
Everything.

5. aside from eating when hungry, are you a 'snacker' when you are bored, stressed, or emotionally upset?
All of the above; but one of my greatest pigger triggers is cold. If I'm warm, I don't have much appetite; if I'm cold, I want to eat everything I see, even if I'm stuffed. I'm also weird in that the times when I haven't eaten in 7 or 8 hours are the times when I least want to eat, and when I'm starting to feel full, I feel a strong urge to keep stuffing myself. I have no idea why.

6. on nightline last night, the host was talking about models at fashion week being on "the nicotine diet." i've seen people GAIN weight from stopping smoking, but not smoking to lose. have you ever smoked to keep thin, or known anyone who has?
No and no. I have never smoked for any reason. I've heard that doctors used to tell people to take up smoking for their weight, though. Way to go, doc. I wonder if any of them are thinking back on that now and regretting it.

7. i've never been a dessert person, and rarely eat desserts; all of my girlfriends are the same way. do you regularly eat dessert when you go out to a restaurant or eat at home?
Semi-regularly. I like to have a little something after supper unless I've already eaten a lot. If I don't have any dessert items around, I just mix myself a glass of chocolate milk.

8. if someone close to you asked your advice on the best way to lose weight, what would you tell them?
I'd tell them they need to ask somebody who doesn't weigh 210 lbs. I'm pretty confident that nobody is ever going to ask me for weight-loss advice.

And that's about it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look at the vegetables in the freezer and then make some buttered popcorn.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...
__________
*Anybody that's thinking of mentioning Lane Bryant, zip it. I said AFFORDABLE. Their prices are okay, but nothing to do flips over. And unless you want to go to one of their shittily-stocked stores in which you're guaranteed not to find what you want, you have to pay out the ass, the yingyang, and every other hole on your body for shipping. The only sincere praise I have for them is that you can actually get cotton briefs--actual honest-to-Goddess BRIEFS--in colours without having to buy a white pair as part of the pack.

gotta love Minnesota....

It's -11° out, with a wind chill of -24°. Makes me glad I'm indoors with good heat and some cocoa.

Booking Through Thursday.

What kind of care do you take of your books? Let's review, shall we?

1. Are you careful with the spines? Or do you crack your books open to make them lay flat?
I try to be careful with the spines. I don't always succeed, but I try.

2. Do you use bookmarks? Or do you dog-ear the corners? If you do use bookmarks, do you use those fashionable metal ones? Or paper?
Post-it notes.

3. Do you write in your books? Ever? If you do, do you make small marks, or write in as much blank space as you can find? Pen or pencil? Highlighter? Your name on the front page?
Very rarely will I write in a book that's not a textbook. If I do, it will generally be pencil and only a word or two, as a reference or a WTF. I don't put my names in books. I know who they belong to.

4. Do you toss your books on the floor? Into bookbags? Or do you treat them tenderly, with respect?
I try to put them on shelves. However, I do have one set of dictionaries that I use as a step when I do my knee-strengthening step exercises.

5. Do you ever lay your book face-down, to save your place?
If I'm just going to the bathroom or to get something to eat, yeah.

6. Um--water? Do you bathe with your books? Hold them with wet hands? Read out in the rain? Anything of that sort?
No, I don't shower with books.

7. Are your books lined up on a bookshelf? Or crammed in any which way? Stacked on the floor?
All of the above.

8. Do you make a distinction--as regards book care--between hardcovers and paperbacks?
No.

9. And, to recap? Naturally, you love all of your books, but how, exactly? Are your books loved in the battered way of a well-loved teddy bear, or like a cherished photo album or item of clothing that's used, appreciated, but carefully cared for?
Somewhere in between the two, with certain books tending toward one extreme or the other.

10. Any additional comments?
I think I got frostbite on my face.

***

Thursday Threesome.

::Pitch, Yaw, and Roll::

Onesome: Pitch-- What is your singing range? ...and do you sing at all? Laurie, you're leading off here !
I can go from C below middle C to a little over 2 C's above middle C. I don't know what that is, if that's soprano or alto or what, but it's just over 3 octaves.

Twosome: Yaw--'ll ken that one? Do you have any 'dialect words' that you use as a matter of course? "Ken", meaning "to understand" (Scottish and other derivations) in this case...
Spendy! Stuff isn't expensive up here, it's spendy!

Threesome: and Roll-- on down the road? Hey, if the roads were as icy as they've been in the Midwest and East would driving to work even be a consideration for you?
O noes, ice n cold n stuff!!!11! Dude, we don't have a choice. It's either drive to work in the ice or get fired every winter. I'm lucky to have co-workers that will swing by and give me a lift when it's -15° out and the Bitchmobile won't start.

***

And that's a wrap.

same bitch time, same bitch channel...

3rd and 6

Saturday 6.

1. Who's going to win the Super Bowl?
Like I said, CBS.

2. Have you been invited to any Super Bowl parties? (Or are you throwing your own?)
No.

3. If you were invited, would you go, even if you hate football?
Only if a bunch of my friends were going to be there.

4. Have you ever thrown a party focused on a television program?
No.

5. If you were given free tickets to the Super Bowl, would you attend? Why or why
not?
No. Why? Well, let's see if I can come up with three good reasons.

~I hate large, crowded, noisy places.
~I'd still have to get there, which would cost a lot of money and take a lot of time.
~I don't give a flying fuck about the Stupid Bowl.

I think that about covers it. If somebody gave me free tickets, I would scalp them. I'd enjoy the money much better than I'd enjoy paying out the anus for a plane ticket to go sit in a crowded stadium and get a panic attack from the noise and not be able to use the bathrooms because of all the people in them.

6. Do you worry about security at such an event? Would those worries prevent you from attending or in any way make you less likely to attend?
Nope. See 5. If there was a riot or a terrorist attack or something, that would be horrible; but I wouldn't worry about my own personal safety, just the safety of whoever's there. The only thing that worries me is that somebody might set off a bomb or hijack the Goodyear blimp and crash it into the stadium, and Bush will use that as an excuse to implant chips in everybody's ass or something.

sbt/sbc

Sports section

Saturday 8.

1. did you participate in competitive sports as a child? if so, which one(s)?
No.

2. were there any sports that you wanted to participate in, but could/did not?
No.

3. did your high school have a 'good' football team?
We didn't have a football team.

4. did you go to high school football games? why or why not?
See 3.

5. which was the best in your high school: the football team, the cheerleaders or the band?
We didn't have a band either, so I'll have to go with the cheerleaders.

6. are you more partial to college football, NFL football, or arena football?
Hockey.

7. there is some contention among people in regard to the college bowl system vs. the NFL playoff system; steve spurrier has been very vocal about his desire for a true play-off system for college football. i'm not well-versed in this as i am an ice hockey fan, so i'm doing some research on this to form an educated opinion on the system. do you think that the college system should mirror the play-off system for the NFL?
You won't find an educated opinion about it here. They could use the rock-paper-scissors system for all I give a shit.

8. OK ... bears or colts? who's it going to be tomorrow?
Like I said: given the going rate for advertising slots during the Stupid Bowl, CBS is gonna be the real winner.

sbt/sbc